December 2010
95 posts
Linger
I like to think I have ambitious thoughts. When I’m just chilling at home, listening to music I like to imagine music videos in my head, but what is so different is that these plots, these images I have are usually sad.
It’s about people running, crying, it’s about lost. It’s about rain, loneliness, about being cold, about being devoid of emotion. It’s about issues, about having problems, it’s about that side of life.
There is that frustration when life throws you for a loop. It’s about smoking a cigarette, being the only orange in a sea of monochrome. It’s about doing nothing, when there is everything to be done.
And yet, more or less, it’s about love.
Love is a passion, affection, it is the counterpoint to depression. A philosophy I keep going back to, is that to know happiness, to understand love is know the opposite, to see hate, to feel pain, to taste bitter defeat, but to recognize that maybe sometimes we get that cliche movie happy ending.
A cycle of defeat and satisfaction.
Or it’s a lot of break dancing, and hip hop free styles. Either Or.
Play
YMFY: Norwegian Wood →
youmightfindyourself.com
Memory is a funny thing. When I was in the scene I hardly paid it any attention. I never stopped to think of it as something that would make a lasting impression, certainly never imagined that 18 years later I would recall it in such detail. I didn’t give a damn about the scenery that day. I was…
Napping
So everytime I touch my stitches, it shakes me to my core. It is one of my biggest fears, bodily disfigurement, and I can’t wrap my mind around it to just stop touching my stitches. I just feel like something bad is gonna happen, and it’s just gonna get worst. I’m just a little paranoid I guess.
Anyway, today is day 2 of nap madness, something I coined because napping at 8 and waking up a few hours later is rather not the most efficient way of doing things.
Er.. yep.
Break
I think winter break emphasizes everything that is wrong with the human condition as I see it. There are too many rad ideas (yes I used the word rad), and too little passion to get those ideas made.
Okay maybe it might just be ME complaining about being stuck at home and not touching his camera for quite a while, and feeling guilt about it. Sure, I have a bunch of new ideas to get done after every shower I take, but it’s not easy like pressing a button and making a rad (damn it I used it again) panorama in photoshop. Increasingly, I am finding my own inadequacy in a craft I am trying to push my life into. It is raising questions and answering none.
So for anybody wondering, after seeing Tron for the second time, I went out to a slide in Berkeley. It was pretty dark, and it could’ve happened to anybody, but I tripped on the earth, and I landed head first onto a concrete stair. SO, I end up bleeding profusely all over my hand, and my face, and needlessly to say, having a hospital defined laceration woke me the fuck up.
So after a lot of jokes in the car and the hospital, I went home with a single donut in a bag, and 3 stitches in my head.
So I hope I wake up tomorrow early, and with energy, ready to hit the day with 2 lenses in my bag, and a camera strapped forever to my body.
But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them →
theonion.com
I really like you. I do. You’re so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don’t really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don’t you think?
I knew you would understand. You always do.
We’re so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn’t want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I’ve got going here.
It’s just…you’re like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you’ve spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.
No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don’t have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.
Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I’d call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn’t answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don’t even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.
Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I’ve known you so long, you’re more like a brother that I’ve drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It’d be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you’d come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I’ve had a bad day at work, you’d be looking at me like, “I’ve seen her breasts.” God, I can’t think of anything more awkward that that.
Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.
Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I’d be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other asshole guys I date and pretend I don’t see how much it crushes you. Let’s never lose that. That’s what makes us us.
Don’t worry. You’re so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You’ll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I’ll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won’t believe it when you say we’re just friends. But when she dumps you, that’s just what we’ll be.
Best friends. Friends forever.
Story of My Life Part 3,4,5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
Play
YMFY: You can go for weeks without touching another human being. Sure,... →
youmightfindyourself.com
You can go for weeks without touching another human being. Sure, there’s the occasional brush of the shoulder on a city street, or the brief jolt of an elbow at a crowded show. Those are accidents. But actively being touched, or actively touching somebody else: this is not a regular occurrence. Go…
